The Collected Works of Alex Finkelstein and Clifton Boyd

Alright adoring fans! Today we are going to have our very first photo post. I’ll post a photo and you post a poem about the picture, and, if you’re lucky enough to win, your poem will be posted on our blog for all eternity. Eternal glory belong to the person that wins this conest!

-Alex & Clifton             

p(feces)
o(doo-doo)
o(crap)
p(No. 2)

It’s Alex and he be back
takin none of that diddy crap
Tryin to beat the biggest rappas
You mess my rep i slap yas
Tryin to be ghetto patrol
Snoop Dog is gettin’ old
Drop it like its hot?
I really think not
Cause I’m the master of rap
You know you wanna clap
along to the song of the finkelstein rap
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
So don’t play with my game
shut up, you know your lame
Tryin to outrap me?
Come on, just wait and see
That I’ll school ya
Make you a failure
Throw ya head in a pail ya
Tryin to beat the master
you have the talent of 9-year-old plaster
On my mothers ceiling
And when you lose to me
I’ll send yo wheeling
Out the door
Hit the floor
and don’t come back for no more
G-UNIT!

He cuts through the paper like a hot knife through butter
Snip Snip Snip Snip
He’s rollin’ along like a steady wood cutter
Snip Snip Snip Snip
He’s cuttin’ along with an old pair of Fiskars
Snip Snip Snip Snip
Don’t get to close or he’ll snip off your whiskers
Snip Snip Snip Snip
Snip Snip Snip Goes the boy
Snip Snip Snip Goes the boy
cuts through the paper with lighting acceleration
Snip Snip Snip Snip
He finished his project, a great celebration
Snip Snip Snip Snip
This part is now over, but we’ve only begun
Snip Snip Snip Snip
This is the part where it really gets fun
Snip Snip Snip Snip
Cracks open the Elmers to get the job done
Paste Paste Paste Paste

I drive these brothers crazy
I do it on the daily
thay treat me…
I have homework?
She didn’t tell us THAT!
Blame The iPod

The lone hotdog sat there on the table, steaming and dispensing its meaty aroma everywhere. I eyed it and as I slowly reached for it I tripped and watched in horror as it was gobbled up by my dog.
“Ruff!” he says.
“I am going to kick your a**, you, dog!” I screamed in fury.
“Ruff!” he replied, and I thought I sensed a little bit of sarcasm in his last bark. I walked over to the fridge, but all that was there was some baby food, some fruit, a hamburger, and a couple of cans of dog food. “Screw it!” I yelled, not talking to anybody. I decided to forget my hunger for now and go take a shower. I peeled off my sweat-drenched clothes and hopped into the relaxing streams of hot water. I could feel the shower wash all of the bad moods and dirt right off my body and down into the drain.
I hopped out of the shower and clipped my toenails. I walked up to my mirror and grabbed my new Norelco razor. I noticed that I had quite a bit of stubble growing. I decided to dismiss the electric razor and I just grabbed a straight razor instead. I smeared some shaving cream and watched as it lathered up, making me look like and old man with a long beard. I was in the middle of shaving when my daughter walked in. “Hey daddy! Whatcha doin’?” she asked. “Shaving”I replied.
“Can I shave too?” she asked
“Not until you’re 14 honey” I replied, and she looked dismayed.
“But that’s only-” she paused to count her fingers and held up all ten of them “This many years away”
“I’ll remember to remind you in-” I paused jokingly to count my fingers and held up all ten “this many years.”
After my shower & shave, I looked at my watch and almost fainted. I was going to be late for work! I threw on my tie, pants, shirt and shoes and ran out the door. I hopped into my Acura and sped toward the lodge, hoping to just make it past the construction traffic. No such luck. I was stuck behind a couple of hundred other people and by the time I got to my exit, I was an hour late!
I parked and jumped out of my car, dashing for the card punching machine. I punched my card, and broke the sound barrier getting to my cubicle. But to my great horror, there was a tall woman with stiletto heels standing next to my chair, tapping her feet impatiently. It was Cara Lee, the boss. She sighed and said in a breathy voice “Ted, Ted, Ted. This is your third time being late and I have had enough of it. I am sick of your excuses for being late. I want you on time tomorrow. I will make sure of it. I mean business, Ted.”
And when she meant business, she meant business. Oh, boy she meant business. I sat down in my office chair, still quivering, as she walked away, her heels clicking against the tiles like a steady metronome. I got to work, typing up a fury, determined to beat her expectations.
On the drive home, my cell phone rang. I fumbled around in my briefcase to find it, and answered it before the last ring. “Hello?” I said sloppily into the phone. “Yes, is this Ted?” a woman’s voice on the other end chimed.
“Yes it is” I replied
“Hello I Glori—CALL LOST”
“This phone sucks.” I said to the non-existent person on the other end.
Suddenly a motorcyclist whizzed past me, scaring me out of my pants “What the-!?” I yelled. I am definitely yelling too much today.
When I arrived home, my dog was waiting for me, and despite our hotdog eating troubles, I still let him lick my face. Then my daughter came in, asking if she could shave yet. Then I sat down. When everybody had gone back to their rooms, I walked into the kitchen and saw a hotdog. One hotdog. And as I approached it, I could hear the dog barking from the bathroom

He liked it. The feel of the cold metal trigger. The power of holding something so small, yet so dangerous. In fact, he loved it. the smell, the look, the feel, It all intoxicated him. But this wouldn’t do, he would need something bigger. Something intimidating. A sniper rifle. He grabbed up his ID and got in his car, driving toward the county gun shop. The clerk smiled at him.”Quite the hunter, aren’t we?” he said pleasantly. “Yeah.” rsponded James, whipping out his ID. “You guys carry sniper rifles?” he asked quickly. “Sure we do! But what are you doing with a sniper at this time of year? It ain’t even deer huntin’ season yet!” he laughed. “Well… ” James winked at the clerk “I’m just getting prepared for the big flock of deer comin’ through. You know what I’m sayin’?” He finished. “I sure as hell do!” yellled the clerk loudly “I already got all the Gats and rock salt I’m gonna’ need for the whole next season!” James thought for a moment, and then handed over his Visa. “Alrighty then, That’ll be a 3 day waiting period bud!” the clerk said happily. James nodded his head, content with his and the clerk’s actions, and left.

James flopped down on his couch, his eyelids feeling heavy. He lied on his back, thinking about anything and everything. His girlfriend had gone on a buisness trip to the Bahamas, so he was alone for a week or so. Hee looked at his hands, soft from using his (more…)