The Collected Works of Alex Finkelstein and Clifton Boyd

alex thinks it tickles when his and his mom's dick touches.  im leaving the blog.

Clifton is a gay little faggot with no penis or balls.

Soory for the lack of updates. I'm working on my new story. Coming out soon!

“In honor of our amazing math test results, I’ve decided to let you guys play a class game.” The teacher said. It was third grade, and everyone loved a good game; especially me. The game was usually “Telephone,” where a simple message was passed around a circle, and by the time message had come in full circle, it had become “Green cow” from the original message of “Hotdog.” It was fun, and I was always the last person in the circle; usually the last one to get the message.
Flipping through my J-vibe magazine I came upon an article titled: Rumors, La’shon Harah. I closed the magazine, and promised myself that I would read the magazine later.
I trotted to my locker. I placed my hand on the cold metal lock. 14-21-28 I thought to myself. Somebody walked by me, and giggled. Not very noticeable, like one of those “I-know-something-you-don’t-know” giggles and whispered to her friend. “The pass is triflanger!” I looked at them inquisitively, but they just walked on to their next class. My next class was computers, and I walked there happily, in a light skip.
          I sat down at my computer and pressed the power button. Mr. Kerstin handed out work sheets on “How many megabytes in a gigabyte?” I logged onto myspace. I looked over to the left, at the bulletin board. There was one new bulletin, crudely titled “did u here abt erin and jack?” I clicked on it. I was greeted by an unfriendly screen: You must have the password in order to view this bulletin. I thought for a moment, and typed in the word “triflanger,” the word the girls in the hallway had said was “the pass.” It took me to a page, again, crudely typed, which read as follows:
did u here bout erin and jack cuz I herd frum jasmine that jack waz at erins house for an hour, and they made out! Well, that’s at leest wut she sed.
Erin sat in her chair, her mouth wide and her eyes glossy.

The dog sat there, his tongue hanging out, his tail hitting the ground rapidly. I was seven, and like many a seven year old, I loved dogs, I breathed dogs, and I saw dogs as frequently as I could. And I, of course, much to my Mother’s dismay, I spoke dogs. Incessantly. Most of my speech resembled a mad lib. “Mom can I get a dog? I hear there is a new breed, the __________________ and it’s really good because __________ and ________! And I promise I’ll always walk him and feed him!” i would ask eagerly. And of course the frequent answer was no. But on the way home from school one day, I saw him, the perfect dog. Deep brown eyes, short brown hair, and admirable snout. I picked him up and ran home. “NO” my mom said firmly… 
I called out my son’s name and stared at my children, While my wife talked on and on about the newest sale over at Marshalls –The end of the year shoe sale. The thing was, it wasn’t even the end of the year yet, Only mid-November. I stared over at Sarah. She was running around the play structure, taking in the air full of fun and frolic. I got up and I waved my hand toward her, to beckon her back to the minivan. My wife walked into the car and started it up. My children ran toward the door of the car. They hopped in and put on their wireless headphones, to watch the potable DVD player nested in our car. As soon as the kids put on their headphones, smiling to the theme song of Spongebob Squarepants, my wife started talking to me softly, so that the kids wouldn’t hear. “You know, they’ve been asking for about a year now. They’ll show us a new breed that they like, and then walk up to me five minutes later asking ‘yes or no mommy?’ They really want a dog, Ted. ”
          “And for about a year now, my answer has always been the latter, and it’s not going to change magically!”
          “But they’ve been doing all their chores, and all their homework! I think that they are responsible!”
          “That’s what all the gullible parents say!” I yelled, the kids still deafened to the outside world. “But look what happens to them! They end up walking the dog everyday, and picking up its crap!”
          I furrowed my brow and gave my wife an annoyed look. “At least go to the adoption center and check some of the dogs out. Please?” she said, and made a sad face. “Fine.” I said, and she burst into a smile. I put the car into drive, and we were off.
          The adoption center worker was old, and had a huge grin on her face as we walked in, as if the wrinkles on her cheek were only there to support her ginourmous grin. “I see you come here looking for a little doggy for the children?” She paced down a hallway and beckoned at us with a bulbous, worn finger “This way. Watch your step.” I walked behind her, and followed her into a room with cages all over, and the sound of incessant barking all around me. She flicked her small eyes to the left. “This one’s a nice puppy, Housetrained, and quite good with kids.”  I inhaled deeply.  Keep your composure, James.
The witch-lady walked up to me. She stuck her face so close to mine that I could see her pores choke from the pain of having to inhale her rank breath. I winced. “We have some smaller puppies over here, Sir.” My nose locked itself up, and my eyes cried out in pain.
 
 

Fear crept through her malnourished body, as she heard the sound of dirt crunching under heavy boots. She hurriedly got up and dashed toward her bed, a wooden plank and a thin sheet. She screamed to her friend, but she could not hear Yitra’s urgent warnings. When her friend finally realized what was happening, it was too late. The guard walked in, and looked at her friend with a look of disgust. “Erklärte ich Ihnen nicht aufzustehen! Ich töte Sie jetzt!” he yelled loudly. He reached for his pistol and withdrew it. Yitra watched, he face frozen in a permanent state of horror, as the guard grabbed the corpses hair, and dragged her out. “Nichts zu sehen! Gehen Sie zurück zu Bett!” He yelled.
Yitra walked over to her suitcase, her hunger paining her with each step. She opened it, took out a picture of her mother, and held it close. It was one of the few things she had been able to sneak inside the walls of Auschwitz. It was frayed at the ends, worn from the trip on the train. She thought nothing more horrible than the train. She reached deeper into her few possessions. She picked out a handkerchief, embroidered with a monogram: KZ. She wondered where her mother was now, no doubt being crammed into some small space. She would’ve cried, but could not show weakness in a time like this. She knew that she would be reunited with her mother, someday.
She walked over to Elsa’s bed, hoping that she would be there. When Yitra discovered she was not, she inquired about her absence. “Lucky dog, got pulled away to take a shower. I always knew the guards liked her better.” Yali said unhappily. Unable to think of something to do, she walked back to her bed and lay down. The wood slats felt like bruises on her back. A German guard stepped in and looked her in the eye. He threw a potato at her. She grabbed it and ate it greedily. “Dusche-Zeit!” the guard called out, and beckoned for Yitra to follow him. She sniffed the air, and picked up on a stench so great; her brain could not fathom what It could be emanating from. She looked to her right. A pile of bodies, about a story tall, sat there, covered in maggots, and being picked away at by flies and birds, as a man in front shoveled them into a large furnace. She screamed and the guard pushed her into the shower chamber.Just for all you stupid people, the shower chambers, with shower heads where they sprayed poison gas to kill the victims. which was about 6 million.

Alright adoring fans! Today we are going to have our second photo post. I’ll post a photo and you post a poem about the picture, and, if you’re lucky enough to win, your poem will be posted on our blog for all eternity. Eternal glory belongs to the person that wins this conest!

-Alex & Clifton      

I hobbled over to the kitchen to grab a drink. My wife was sitting there weeping. “It’ll be alright” I said, over and over. She looked up into my eyes, and I could barely stand to see the tears in hers. “What is it?” I asked, after she had calmed down a bit.. “You’re just not the same Ted I knew.”
          “Of course I am, just minus a part or two.” And I tried to feign a giggle. She looked down. “No, Ted, You’re just not the same. After the explosion, it’s like you lost a part of your personality after you lost your leg…”
Eighteen Weeks, Two Days
The sun shined bright into my eyes, and I was baking in all this gear. Willis was squishing me in a bit too close for comfort, and I could feel his breath on my cheek. “Um, Willis, good buddy. Can you please move your huge self, so I can have a little personal room?” I said to him calmly. “Whatever you say Sergeant,” he said in his booming voice.
          A crackling voice came over the radio. “Joker, you there?” it said, interrupted by radio static. “Yeah, it’s me, Gold Leader.”
          “Dangit! How many times do I have to tell you!? It’s ‘Firesnake!’ My codename is Firesnake!”
          “Whatever, Gold Leader. What’s up?”
“Well, it seems that we have a fleet of Iraqi insurgents heading your way fast. They’re almost to point 1491, where you’re stationed.”
“Umm,” I said worriedly “I thought you said 1381.”
          “Hold on a sec, lemme check the map to see where you are,” he said quickly “Oh, crap. According to our latest news, you guys are right where a sniper is. Don’t move.” Too late.  “No sniper is too much for me,” Henson yelled, and with that, ran out with a machine gun, shooting every possible sniper outlook. “Get back here! You’re going to get –” Me and my now nine man squad watched in horror as Henson was pierced through the torso with a bullet. He fell to the ground and screamed. Blood gushed out of him, turning the dust around him into thick red mud.
          “We have to go get him!” Jelmar yelled and ran out from behind the crumbling stone wall. “You people just don’t get it.” I mumbled to myself. I looked out, and Jelmar was running toward the body furiously. Suddenly, a shot rang out, and I looked away, afraid to see what had happened to Jelmar. He was standing there triumphantly, a smoking gun in his hand. “What the…” I said. “I GOT ‘EM!” Jelmar yelled loudly. “You son of a dog!” I yelled, proud that he was in my squad. I turned around to congratulate him. I ran to him, and hugged him tightly.
Eighteen Weeks, Three Days
I woke up, our commanding officer yelling “C’mon ladies, Rise n’ Shine! Time for a new day!” But no one responded. “There are women in bikinis outside waiting for you!” and at that, everybody’s eyes sprung open, as if they were spring loaded. “That’s the spirit, ladies! Now, lets get ready to rumble!” and with that last word, everybody let out a war cry, and put on their game face.
I was in the armory, putting on all my gear, when Jefferson, our top machine gunner, walked up to me. “Hey Ted!” he yelled. I turned around to see him standing behind me. “Watch out for mines today. I heard a real nasty sound, sounded like a tank planting ‘em.”
          “Thanks for the heads-up, Jefferson.”
“No Problem.”
Me and my squad walked out and looked at our hummer. “Good lord!” I said in a British accent “Is this a limited edition 2003 army style hummer? Well, I must have it. twenty million, give or take.” That made them all laugh. I hopped into the driver set and we were off.
We were all cracking jokes and nobody was paying attention to the road. I glanced to the corner of the road and saw a small lump. A rock maybe, but it was too flat. Then I realized what it was, but by then, my tire was inches away from it, and there was nowhere I could go.
I woke up in a hospital bed, my squadron surrounding me. “Hey guys.” I said, a raspy tone underneath my voice. “Ted, You saved our lives.” Said Willis “when you saw the mine, you turned just enough for the driver compartment-you-to take the full impact of the blast.” I closed my eyes. I wiggled my fingers and my toes. Wait, something didn’t feel right. I looked down. A bandage was wrapped around my leg, or at least where it used to be. My head fell apart. “Well, that’s a twenty million dollar investment you just blew up.” Jelmar said in a British accent. I laughed, and used my intercom, to tell the nurse to bring me more water. “Tally ho! Who’s up for a game of croquet?” I said. They laughed, and some of the dust off Willis’s outfit fell onto my sheets. “Eww.” I said.
 

Nope…